WAVE SHARKS

Wave sharks are those snakey, paddle on the inside wave stealing types who are commonly hazardous to a surfers wave count. Often these degenerates are “locals” roaming the line-up to assert their dominance in the pissing contest for who lived closest and longest to break. Yet, the usual culprits of this heinous crime are invariable your reprobate mates, the same ones you’ve been fading yourself since grommet-hood. Having caught a wave, they paddle back out and surreptitiously drift inside with a thinly veiled attempt of distracting banter, only to call next wave as if you came down in the last rain shower. Or the other classic trick of these wretched wave whores and my personal favourite is the sudden debilitating onset of spasmodic stiffis neckus which remarkably coincides with a surge of drop-ins and pit fades... “Thought youse was goin’ left” they cry in contrite defense. I find soaping their wax is the appropriate payback or buying them a SAX Tee like a brand of shame hits the spot.